


Epitaph...or was that epigraph?

by GoosewithaNuke



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: rated teen because Kevin goes into an adult video shop by mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 02:52:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13401891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoosewithaNuke/pseuds/GoosewithaNuke
Summary: Abby asks Kevin to write an epitaph for Ghosts From Our Past.Based on the epitaph in the book.





	Epitaph...or was that epigraph?

Kevin hung up the phone and sighed. He looked the digital clock beside his computer monitor. It read 10.07. He’d gotten to work early this morning at 9.30. He sighed again, it’s been a long day for him.  
  
He opened his desk drawer and found a half eaten cake. It was a little bit hard, but Kevin has strong teeth. He pulled it out of the drawer and was attempting to gnaw at it when Abby came up to his desk.  
  
She looked like she was about to say something important until she saw what he was doing.  
“Kevin, you can’t eat that,” she said as she picked up the bin by his desk and held it out to him.  
Mournfully Kevin dropped the cake brick into the bin.  
Abby pulled a breakfast bar out of her pocket, “Here,” she sighed as she passed it to him.  
Kevin took the bar and happily munched it as he kind of listened to the important thing Abby had to say.  
“Hey Kevin, you know how Erin and I are writing a revised version of our book?” She asked.  
Kevin shook his head, no.  
“Well, anyway, all of the Ghostbusters are contributing to this version. Holtzmann is writing about the tech, Patty’s writing about history stuff. So we wondered if you’d be interested in writing an epitaph for the book?” Abby smiled hopefully.  
“Sure thing boss,” grinned Kevin with crumbs falling from his mouth.  
“Awesome, I’ll email you a copy of the book and if you could have the epitaph done within the next six months, that would be great,” said Abby.  
“Sure thing boss,” repeated Kevin.  
  
Later, Kevin stretched at his desk. Then he began to wonder what he had agreed to. Was it illegal? Was he being paid? Would he have to work on a Wednesday? He thought a little more and decided it probably wouldn’t matter if it was illegal.  
He decided he’d better look up what he was doing. _What is an epita—oh shoot, what was that word Boss Abby used?_ he wondered.  
He pulled out his emergency dictionary. It was a pocket dictionary that was well read, he kept it in his pocket at all times. There were a lot of words he didn’t know. He thought that his dictionary was faulty, he’d had to get all of his pants altered so the pockets were big enough to fit it inside.  
He opened the tome. _What was I doing?_ He wondered. Then he remembered.  
He opened the dictionary to the Es. _Epi_ — his finger dragged down the page.  
_Aha, there it is! Epigraph: A short quotation or saying at the beginning of a book or chapter, intending to suggest its theme._  
Kevin wondered what the theme could be. He had a look at the attachment to the email that Abby had sent him.  
**_Ghosts From Our Pasts_** , there were more words written after that, but Kevin figured that he had already read enough.  
_Well_ , Kevin thought, _I suppose the theme would be regret…like the way past decisions can haunt us in the present, creating a toxic web of guilt, anxiety, and remorse, which must be untangled and examined so that we can move forward with our lives, unencumbered by our histories, free from the ghosts of our past._  
He opened the attachment and quickly scrolled through the 200-ish pages. He didn’t read any words, but judging by all of the pictures he saw, he guessed maybe the book was about actual ghosts.

* * *

 

  
Kevin Beckman is a very busy man. It’s hard not to be busy when you’re a hide-and-seek champion (almost). Six months passed in the blink of an eye. He soon found himself with Abby staring down at him.  
“Hey Kevin,” she said with a falsely cheerful tone, “I just wanted to remind you that we need the epitaph in a week.”  
“Sure thing Boss,” Kevin snapped a finger gun at her.  
  
Kevin was not calm. He’d completely forgotten to read the book. How could he write about it if he hadn’t read it. He didn’t want to disappoint his bosses. They are such smart, talented women and he admires them greatly.  
_If it’s a book then there must be a movie version of it_ , he thought.  
  
Kevin walked through the streets. He’d never had to go to a video library before without his mother, and he’d certainly never been to one in New York before. Eventually he found himself walking past an Adult Video Superstore in Chelsea. Knowing how smart his bosses were, he knew they definitely weren’t writing a children’s book. So they must have written a book for adults. If there was a video store anywhere that sold the movie based on his boss' book, it was definitely this one.  
  
Kevin went inside.  
  
“Well, hello there handsome,” the girl at the counter practically sighed as he stepped into the store.    
“Hi,” Kevin said, scratching his eye through his glasses frame.  
“What can I help you with?” She asked.  
Kevin looked around the dimly lit room before turning back to the young woman, “I’m looking for a movie about a ghost, any will do.”  
“It’s always the attractive ones that are into the weird stuff,” she muttered under her breath before speaking up to Kevin, “We don’t really have a ghost section per se.”  
Kevin was confused, “You know, ghost movies are pretty common. Don’t most video stores have a horror section? Or are you like a special store for just comedies or something?”  
The woman realised Kevin’s mistake, “Oh honey,” she told him, “we don’t really sell the kind of movies you’re after here.”  
Kevin looked like a kicked little puppy.  
“But, why don’t you check online. There’s a Ghost movie with Patrick Swayze that you might really like,” she suggested.  
Kevin smiled happily, “All right, thanks lady.”  
He waved as he left the store.  
  
After he’d found out how to get back to the Ghostbusters Headquarters he found Erin typing on her laptop.  
“Hey boss,” he waved.  
Erin barely looked up, still typing, “Hey Kevin, I’m super busy, what’s up?”  
“How do you watch a movie online?” He asked.  
Erin stopped typing, “You mean the kind of movie that’s appropriate to watch at work right?” She asked.  
“Yeah, more than appropriate, I’m going to watch a movie about ghosts,” replied Kevin.  
Erin pointed at their rest area, “That TV’s got Netflix on it. Press the Netflix button on the remote and it’ll turn on the TV automatically. Click on the magnifying glass button on the screen by using the arrow buttons and the OK button on the remote. Type in whatever it is you want to watch. Get Holtzmann to help you if you can’t figure it out,” she started typing again, “as I said, I’m busy, I have a deadline.”  
“Thanks Boss.”  
  
Kevin settled himself down, thanks to Erin’s detailed instructions he managed to get all the way to the search screen. Then he realised he didn’t know the name of the ghost movie with Patrick Swayze in it. He decided maybe he could just type Patrick Swayze and it might come up.  
  
Grateful for the predictive text (he never would have thought to spell Patrick that way), he clicked on the first movie that came up, _Road House_.  
Kevin was barely 10 minutes into the movie and already bawling his eyes out.  
  
Patty heard Kevin sobbing as she was reading her book. She sighed heavily, knowing she was going to have to go over there and deal with whatever problem he was having. To her pleasant surprise she found him watching _Road House_. She sat herself down next to him and continued watching the movie with him. Erin and Abby joined soon after. And before long Holtzmann had been attracted by the sound of the film and sat down with them.  
  
When the movie finished they all parted and Kevin was left sitting on his own. He was disappointed. He had wanted to talk about the movie with his bosses. There were a few things he didn’t understand. Especially about Patrick Swayze’s character being a ghost.  
  
He sat down at his desk and started typing out his epitaph in his favourite program, Microsoft Paint. After he’d written an arduous paragraph or so Abby came up behind him. He was just up to the part where he was going to write nice things about his bosses. She was reading over his shoulder. Kevin worried that she might think he was just writing nice things because she was reading them. So he wrote out that he genuinely thought those things. Abby patted his shoulder in thanks and left him to it.  
  
After he finished writing he saved his work (Abby had made him practice saving his work for a whole day once. It was really boring but now he’s really good at it). He emailed it to Abby, Erin, Holtzmann, and Patty, also his mom, and Jennifer Lynch, and the mayor. Actually, he emailed everyone in his address book. Email is confusing. Then he spent the rest of his day drawing ghosts in Microsoft Paint and printing them out. He even signed four of them to give to his bosses. 

Patty lectured him about wasting paper and ink. Abby congratulated his artistic skills. Holtzmann set fire to hers (she apologised a lot afterwards, Kevin knew it was an accident and promised to make her another one). Erin taped it to the wall behind her desk.  
  
All in all Kevin thought it had been a pretty good day at the Ghostbusters Headquarters. He loved his job. Even though he's still not 100% sure what it is.


End file.
